Dating, sex and HIV disclosure: when (if ever) should you talk about it?

It’s normal to worry that someone might reject you if you tell them you have HIV. But disclosing your HIV status shows you care about a partner and trust them – and it can strengthen your relationship.  

Whether you are in a long-term relationship or something casual, it’s your choice if (and when) you disclose your HIV status, but it can be an important step to take.  

If you want to tell a partner you have HIV, here are three tips to help: 

1. Know the facts on HIV 

Sadly, HIV stigma exists, and a lot of it comes from misinformation. Your partner may mistakenly think that having HIV means you can’t have sex without passing HIV on, or you won’t live long, or can’t have a family in the future. But if you are on effective treatment all of these thing are possible. 

If you know the facts on HIV, you can tell your partner and it might help to reassure them. Try to answer any questions they have. If you are unsure about anything, Be In The KNOW can help. 

2. Think about when and where you tell them 

Choose a time when your partner seems relaxed and unstressed. Then find a place where you are unlikely to be interrupted.  

3. Give them time 

Remember that you are still you – having HIV doesn’t change that. But your partner may need time to process the information. So give them time and space if they need it. 

How Be In the KNOW can help  

If you’re considering talking to a partner about HIV, be proud of yourself for taking this step. Our section on understanding and sharing your HIV status has lots of advice to help. 

If you’ve had unprotected sex with your partner, the sooner you tell them, the sooner they can test for HIV too. Opening up to them might make them feel comfortable to share their status with you too. 

If you know each other’s HIV status, you can work out which safer sex option is right for you as a couple by reading our HIV prevention section. Then you’ll be free to enjoy each other and build the future you want.