First-hand: From fear to trust – navigating love and HIV disclosure

When people ask me to say something interesting about myself beyond my HIV journey, I sometimes struggle. I feel like people already know everything about me because of my status. But over time, I’ve learned that my story is bigger than that.

It’s about love. It’s about fear. And it’s about trust.

How I used to think about love

When I was younger, I used to think love was all about sex and just being in a relationship. That was my understanding.

But now, I see love differently. Love is deeper than that. Love is care. Love is understanding. Love is someone being patient with you. Love is someone wanting to learn about you.

Living with HIV has changed how I see love.

Disclosing my HIV status

The first time I had to tell someone I cared about that I was living with HIV, it was hard.

Before I even spoke, I had fear in my mind. People always said, “They will judge you.” “They will leave you.” “They won’t understand.”

So I was thinking about all those things.

But I decided I didn’t want to hide. I told myself, this was serious and we needed to talk about it.

And I just went straight.

I told him.

He started crying. I was shocked. I wasn’t expecting that reaction. There were so many emotions. For a moment, I didn’t feel safe because I didn’t know how he would respond.

But then he said something that stayed with me. He said it hurt him not because I have HIV,  but because I trusted him enough to tell him something so personal.

At first, I doubted him. I wondered if he really meant it. But as time passed, I realised he did.

That experience showed me something important: disclosure is not one moment. It is a process. It is emotional. It takes courage.

Learning about U=U changed everything

There was another big shift in my life when I understood HIV science better.

I learned about treatment. I learned about viral suppression. And I learned about U=U.

U=U means Undetectable is equal to Untransmittable. It means that when someone living with HIV takes their treatment properly and the virus becomes undetectable in their body, they cannot pass HIV to their sexual partner.

When I understood this, everything changed for me.

I realised I can live fully. I can date. I can even give birth to an HIV-negative child. I can have a future.

I was happy. I was overwhelmed. But in a good way. Because I finally felt informed. I finally felt confident.

Even dating felt different. I knew that being with someone who is HIV-negative is possible. The virus does not control my entire life.

Talking about protection and trust

Of course, understanding science is one thing. Talking about it in a relationship is another.

I had to explain things to my partner. I had to say, “You won’t be infected.” I had to explain what U=U means. Sometimes I didn’t know how to explain it well. Sometimes I would tell them where to find answers so we could read together.

What I’ve learned is that communication builds trust.

When you talk openly about HIV, treatment, protection and health, it makes the relationship healthier. If someone is willing to learn, they can understand.

But some people still misunderstand HIV. They still carry old beliefs. They don’t always understand that things have changed.

That’s why honest conversations matter.

What a healthy relationship looks like to me

For me, a healthy relationship is simple.

It is someone who reminds you to take your medication. Someone who knows your time and says, “Did you take your meds?”

It is someone who wants to learn more about HIV, even if they are HIV-negative. Someone who is curious. Someone who cares about your health.

It is also about self-love. You must take responsibility for your own health. Set reminders. Take your treatment at the same time every day. Don’t depend on someone else to manage your life.

Trust yourself. Trust your instincts. Sometimes your instincts will never lie.

And when it comes to disclosure, be wise. You don’t have to rush. You can start by reading something about HIV together and see how the person responds. That can help you know when to talk.

Because once you disclose, there is no going back. But there is moving forward.

What I want young people to know

If you are young and living with HIV, don’t be afraid to love.

Yes, it can feel scary. Yes, fear is real. But sometimes fear stops us from seeing what is possible.

You should be able to stand up for yourself. You should be able to control your emotions. And you should remember that your status does not remove your right to love and be loved.

Living with HIV has taught me that love is beautiful. It is amazing. It is true love.

And being accepted is something I have always wanted.

HIV does not end love.

Stigma does.

But when we move from fear to trust, with knowledge, honesty and care, love can still be beautiful.