Giving consent is when you clearly agree to take part in any sexual activity.
If someone seems unsure, stays silent, doesn’t respond, or says ‘maybe’ this isn’t consent. Having sex without consent is wrong and illegal.
You always have the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. And you can agree to do something then change your mind – everyone has the right to do this, even if you are in a long-term relationship or married.
Giving and getting consent may feel awkward. But being able to share what you feel comfortable with will make the experience of sex more enjoyable.
When someone clearly agrees to a sexual activity, they are giving their informed consent. Sex without informed consent is wrong and illegal.
If you feel pressured to have sex or too afraid to say no that’s not OK, and is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. This is a common situation that many young people face, especially when they are in a relationship with someone older.
Whether you’re getting closer and about to start having sex or you’re already ‘in the moment’, consent is all about good communication.
Giving consent can look like:
clearly agreeing to a sexual activity either by saying yes, or something else positive like “I’d like to try that”
using physical cues, like letting out a sigh, responding with a similar touch or looking your partner in the eye and smiling.
Getting consent can look like:
asking “Is this okay?” and getting a clear and positive response
talking about what you do and don’t want to do before you start.
Consent is NOT:
ignoring when someone says no
assuming that wearing certain clothes, flirting, or kissing is an invitation for more
when someone is under the legal age of consent (a law that states how old someone has to be to legally consent to have sex) – this is classified as child abuse or rape in many countries
when someone is not able to make a choice because of drugs or alcohol
when someone feels pressured into having sex.
Remember, you should not assume that your partner will want to have sex just because you’ve had sex with them before – you need to get informed consent every time you are intimate with someone!
Many girls grow up being told that saying “no” to men is wrong. This can make it really difficult to say no to sexual activities, even if you want to.
But remember, everyone has the right to say no to any form of sexual activity. It doesn’t matter who the other person is, whether it’s your first time with them, you’re married or in a long-term relationship, or what you’ve done with them or others before.
It’s fine! Remember, you can say “no” (withdraw your consent) at any stage – you don’t have to have a reason. Your partner should respect your decision and stop straight away.
Giving consent for one type of sexual activity doesn’t mean you’re giving consent to go further. Agreeing to kiss someone doesn’t mean you’ve said yes to them taking your clothes off, for example.
They may say it in other ways, like “not right now”, “I’m not sure”, or they might stay silent. Their body language might also be a signal – they may turn away, curl up, or not respond.
Sometimes our bodies will be turned on but we don’t want to be touched. But even if a penis is erect or the vagina is wet – it’s not an automatic invitation. That’s why it’s always important to check.
Here are a few questions to help kick-off discussions on the issues you need to talk about! You can share them on social, on WhatsApp or just get talking.
