Personal story: Refilwe
We had been talking about taking this next step in our relationship for a long time
"My first time was with my boyfriend of almost two years. We were very much in love and we had been talking about taking this next step in our relationship for a long time, but we could never find the right place or time to be alone. But, one day, we were hanging out at his house, watching TV and we started making out.
We got very into it and he told me that his dad was sleeping and he had condoms, if we wanted to. In that moment, I told him yes, I did. So he went to get the condoms and as I sat there waiting for him, I had these mixed emotions. I was happy that I was finally going to experience this wonderful act of love with someone I loved and knew cared and respected me, but I was also really scared. I mean, I could get pregnant or something. I also felt, in a way, that I was letting down my family. Being raised in a Cristian background, premarital sex is frowned upon. And by the time he came back from his room with the condoms, I was letting my fears get the best of me. But, he sat down on the couch and we continued to make out. He asked me, "Are you sure?" and I looked straight in his eyes and I had this gut feeling that it was exactly what I wanted and I wouldn't want it with anyone else.
He went in his guest bedroom because it was the closest room to his living room and we began kissing. We undressed each other and got in bed together. I have admit, it was very painful. I did not bleed, like some do though. Because we have such a comfortable relationship, I was able to communicate with him how it was hurtful and he offered to stop, but I told him it was fine. Of course he went slow for me though. I did not orgasm, but he did (I didn't expect to though).
After that, we laid naked together for about 20 minutes and talked about it. For me, losing my virginity, was an amazing and comfortable experience. There was no awkwardness and no regrets after. Losing your virginity is not a race, my boyfriend and I were both 16 when we lost it together, but it is not something that can be rushed. When you love someone and with someone you know truly respects you, then losing your virginity will be a meaningful and special experience, like it should be."
What we say
As Refilwe has said, losing your virginity shouldn’t be a race. There are a lot of things that may be going through your head – so take your time to think all of it through. Check out our page on Am I ready for sex? to help you decide what’s right for you.
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These personal stories have been submitted to us anonymously by individuals who use our site. Some of the stories have been edited for clarity purposes and names have been changed to protect identities.