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Personal story: Chinwe

That first-time is still some of the best sex I’ve ever had

Young woman with long dark hair wearing yellow sweater with arms crossed and smiling
Photo credit: ©iStock/m-imagephotography. Photos are used for illustrative purposes. They do not imply health status or behaviour.

"The first time I had sex, a year ago, I was a second-year undergraduate student. I was 21 years old and had never dated before, still haven't.

I wanted to lose my virginity, but I didn’t want my first time to be with someone I was in a relationship with. I'd heard stories from people who gave their virginity to their boyfriends and had their hearts broken.

One day, while walking to my student residence, I came across a guy I knew. We weren't friends but we had a few friends in common and I’d spoken to him several times. I can't remember exactly what made me stop, but I was in a good mood that day.

We talked for a while, and I told him that I’d been looking to lose my virginity but hadn’t found anyone. His response was, ‘Well, there's always me.’

I laughed. I thought he was joking. Turns out he wasn’t. He gave me his backpack and said he would collect it in a few minutes. I walked to my room, giddy with excitement. ‘It's finally going to happen’, I thought to myself.

When I got to my room, I sat down to study. That's how he found me. He started by making small talk and then rubbed my shoulders from behind me.

I stood up, turned and we started kissing. We made it to my bed, and it happened. He knew what he was doing. He was in control most of the time, but I made sure to tell him when something wasn't okay for me.

It was painful at first, very much so. I did tear, I guess. I didn't bleed on the sheets, but there was blood.

He reached orgasm. I didn’t. I've had sex a few times since then but have never orgasmed. Even without orgasm, I’ve enjoyed all my sexual encounters. That first-time is still some of the best sex I've ever had."

What we say

Chinwe knew that she wanted to lose her virginity and how. When she had sex for the first-time she was sure to tell her sexual partner when something wasn’t okay for her. It’s important to feel in control when you’re having sex, and what’s okay for you both one time might not be the next, or with the next partner. Communicate with your partner and get consent if you’re not sure. Find out more about sexual consent.

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These personal stories have been submitted to us anonymously by individuals who use our site. Some of the stories have been edited for clarity purposes and names have been changed to protect identities.

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  • Last updated: 14 November 2022
  • Last full review: 01 March 2022
  • Next full review: 01 March 2025
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