How to talk to a doctor about HIV and sexual health

Here are some things you can do before going. 

Talk to someone you trust: This will help you work out what you want to say. And it might help you feel less embarrassed.  

Do some research: This is especially important if there are different options available (for example, if you want to know about contraception or HIV prevention). You can use Be in the KNOW to find information about different the options available and other things to think about. 

Come with questions: Think about what you want to know. You may want to write down your questions so you don’t forget them.  

Take something to make notes: Taking notes at your appointment will give you accurate information about what was said. You can look at this later, rather than trying to remember everything. 

What you ask is up to you. The only thing that matters is that you understand what is being said. So don’t be afraid to ask anything you want to, even questions that might feel embarrassing or stupid. 

Here are some questions you may want to ask about different sexual health topics. 

HIV and STI testing 

• What does the test involve?  

• How long will it take to get the results?  

• How will I get my results?  

• What happens if I’m positive?  

• What treatments are available to me? 

• Will treatment affect other medication I’m on?  

• Am I doing the right things to protect myself from getting STIs? 

• What other regular check-ups should I have? 

Birth control (family planning) 

• What are my options? 

• How do I use each?  

• How long does each last for? How do I replace it?  

• Are there any the side effects?  

• What if I change my mind?  

• Does it affect other medication that I’m on?  

• Does it protect me from HIV and other STIs? 

HIV treatment 

• What is the name of the medication? 

• How often do I need to take it? 

• What if I miss doses?  

• How often do I need to get a refill? Where do I get refills from? 

• How will I know if my treatment is working? And if it isn’t? 

• What are the side effects?  

• Is there any help available if I’m struggling to take my medication? 

• Will it affect other medication that I’m on? 

General questions 

• Are there any costs involved? Do I have to pay all at once? 

• Will this be kept confidential?  

• Can I bring someone with me to my next appointment if I want to?  

• Is there any other information or support I can get? 

This will be different for different things. But in general appointments will follow these stages: 

1. First, you explain why you are there. It is good to think about what to say in advance. 

2. They will ask you questions. If you are there for advice (for example, on family planning) they will talk you through different options. You don’t have to decide right away. But if you do they might do a physical examination, which can involve things like blood tests. 

3. If you are there for an STI and/or HIV test, they will do a blood test and/or take other samples. If you have STI symptoms, they might examine you (find out more on our HIV testing and STI testing pages). 

4. Before they do any tests or examinations they should explain what is going to happen and why. Don’t be afraid to ask if you are unsure! 

5. They might give you a diagnosis, plus a prescription for treatment and how to take it. Or you might need to come back for tests, results, treatment or another service. Ask as many questions as you like so you are clear on the next steps. 

Doctors are trained to deal with bodies, including body parts that we might feel embarrassed about. A professional is not there to judge or laugh at you. And they should also keep all of your information private.

Doctors are trained to help patients of any gender. But if you want a male or female doctor you can ask for one.

In most countries, you have the right to HIV and sexual health services. This means it’s your doctor’s job to help you look after your sexual health. If they are not doing this, you have the right to complain. 

You also have the right to see another doctor. You can ask to see someone at the same facility or go to another one.

Don’t be hard on yourself, lots of people feel like this. But remember that your health is really important. So it is well worth facing your fear. If you go, you will see how normal it is.  

It’s also fine to say that you feel embarrassed. It might make you feel better. And the doctor might make an extra effort to put you at ease. 

If you are really struggling, speak to an anonymous helpline or ask to speak to your doctor over the phone rather than in person. Some facilities also offer a messaging service, which means you don’t have to speak to anyone at all.

Acknowledge that they might feel embarrassed, but it is important to not let this stand in their way. Tell them that they should be proud of themselves for doing the right thing for their health (and their partner’s health if they have one).  

Try talking to them about a time when you felt embarrassed about going to see a doctor, and why you were glad you went.  

Reassure them that doctors are trained to deal with sexual health. Whatever their issue, doctors will have dealt with it before.  

Explain to them about what is likely to happen when they go. You could also offer to go with them or to call them before and afterwards. Another option is to offer to arrange for someone in the same situation as them to go along (such as someone who is the same age or has faced the same issue).  

If they still don’t want to go, try sharing information from Be in the KNOW, or connecting them with a helpline. Then check in with them in a week or so and see if they still feel the same.